Health jokes
You're so skinny the world turns to the left!
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.