Health Jokes

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

An image showing a pencil character holding hands with a cartoon girl. Above them text reads: "People make mistakes, that's why pencils have erasers and Cindy has gonorrhea." The word gonorrhea is crossed out with a red line.

This person has Down syndrome.

Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?

She was hit by a bus.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.

Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Cancer

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A rape victim!

I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.

A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."