Health jokes

How do you start a dance party?

Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.

What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.

I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.

"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!

But he’s all right now.

What do you call a girl skeleton dancing?

A bone-étit.

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.

Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.

Doctor: Sex is good for you!

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.

I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a lil' boogie in it ;)

What's the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy.

What does one boob say to the other boob?

If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.