Health jokes
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
Memes
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
This person has Down syndrome.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!