I don’t like making jokes about 9/11, my grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew
my grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
Roses are red violets are violet My grandad died in 9/11 He was a good pilot
My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I'll never forget my Grandads last words...SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up i bought him a walkman
Before my grandad died he whispered to me is your uncle still in the basement i said he has died oh my grandad said i will lock him in heavens basement
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
The Britain’s walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad they ask Mary the mum why she had blood all over her and she said someone dropped the butter they walked into the living room and Thomas was dead on the floor
Some one Telling a joke: Boy: my parents are dead Girl: My grandad is too Orphan who listened to it: that joke is dead Person who told the joke: so is ur family
I remember my grandads last words. "Are you still holding the ladder."
One day a son and his grandad were smoking, too bad only the sun was smoking. :)
-Dark_Humor
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man
1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim? - A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy? - he died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words... - “you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance... - only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours... - lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I was staying over at my friends, for the purpose of the joke he shall be called kian. It was 03.00 am and everyone else was asleep when i heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it, Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge it was thought he had a huge slong. The banging was getting louder and so to was my heartbeat, i opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked, there was a glory hole threw the wall where i could make it kians ass. This is what i have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards john. I shoved 1 inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "you little gimp get on the bed". Kian came in the room with a 2 litre bottle of irn bru, he demanded "what the fudge are you doing". I replied smoothly "Kian you tracksuit warrior you have a camel toe" Kian fires back "shut it paul you have genital warts". John screams "SHUT THE FUCK UP." He then gives us it so rough i can't walk the next day, but feel pleasured for eternity.
By Lewis
these are all of my terrible jokes
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I'll serve you but don't start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I'm joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs" the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall, I don't know. I'm asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey
I entered kians house, at the top of the stair i was greeted my greatest fantasy, JOHN, he said in a manly tone, "hello there" i walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back, as i walk past his room i felt uneasy , i walk into kians room to find no one, i turn around and gasp, john is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer, he pushed me onto kians bed, the bed was that bad it broke as i fell onto it, john says "a broken is nothing to worry about" i look up at him in disbelief, hes more masculine than i thought, he thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch, he then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point i knew it was to late john, the fart he ripped(sticky to the touch) had me so in shock i wasnt ready for what was next, he picked and jamp on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadyl, sticky to the touch fart id ever seen, it knocked me out, i awoke to find i was in the WALLS, i looked out to find i was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, i fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, i heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" i then knew i was in for some kian treats The end
