Health jokes
My dick itches.
COVID-19. IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
A note for My arts/health teacher:
oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.
My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.