Health jokes
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
What's a person with Down syndrome's favorite detergent?
Downy.
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
– It just didn’t work out.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.