What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Depression sucks, and so do you.
My anus smells.
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
Technoblade should have drank milk. Would have gotten rid of all his status effects!
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
