Health jokes

Joke: Why did the gym close down?

– It just didn’t work out.

Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?

I’m Zaptos intolerant!

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"

The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

My anus smells.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

Depression sucks, and so do you.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had diarrhea.