Abstinence jokes

When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.

"Don't have sex" - Jake.

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?

Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.

Are you still a virgin?

If you do IT

With no one?

Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!

I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)

I want a relationship.

*Masturbates*

I don't want a relationship.

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"