Health jokes

What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?

The cabbage patch.

I made an AR that shoots boo boo bullets. It does poison time 10x damage. You have a very good chance of getting STD. Very good AR. Going for 100,000. Email: EatandDrinkbouls@gmail.com

Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.

Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.

If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

Diabetic wives are like Cillit Bang. Squeeze them a bit and bang! The bed is gone.

The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)

How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?

Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

What do you call a homosexual in a coma?

A fruit and a vegetable!

Why do orphans die so much?

'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The wheelchair.