Health jokes

Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.

Q: What boofa?

A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!

A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)

Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)

Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

Doctor: *calls 911*

911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

911 service: *hangs up*

What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?

People don't eat their broccoli.

What’s the hardest part of a veggie to eat?

The wheelchair.

Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

A cop pulls over an old man.

The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

The old man said, "No."

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

I gave my friends some buttons.

Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.

What's the difference between a priest and a zit?

A: One waits until you're twelve to cum on your face.

What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."

Have you heard about the movie about constipation?

Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.

I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.

All germs are from GERMany.

Face-Timing My Girlfriend:

"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*

What is a box called when a cough dies in it?

A coffin.

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.

Please stop using this thread. It is cancer.