Health jokes

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?

Because they are high.

What do you call a Black person having a seizure?

My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.

What do you call an autistic kid if he was short?

A short tistic.

Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.

Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!

There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.

Why did the cow cross the road? Because the chicken had corona.

I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.

What is a box called when a cough dies in it?

A coffin.

What do you call it when a rapper has a cold?

A sniff beat.

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

How can a man make the world safer?

By having the chop.

Want one way to get a free haircut?

Call the cancer hotline.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

Which is more disabling, autism, ADHD, or Down syndrome?

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.

Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.

Technoblade: It is high vitamin B.

Quackiity: What does vitamin B stand for?

Technoblade: Broke.