Health jokes
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?
She ended up under the doc[tor].
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Q: What is the hardest part of a cabbage?
A: Wheelchair.
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What do 9/11 and Covid-19 both have in common?
Asians caused them both!
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."