Health jokes
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?
Why did the person peel his skin off? Because he wanted to.
Bro how are my favorite rappers gonna make good music if they can’t pop PERKIES
What did the doc say to the skeleton? You're skele-a-ton.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My jokes are cancer.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
Diarrhea.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.