Health jokes
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My jokes are cancer.
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
Diarrhea.
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
"Who am I? Why am I typing?"
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
Would you rather:
Fight Mike Tyson
Or
Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.
Q: What boofa?
A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.