Health jokes
Why did the orange stop?
Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
Which of these is the smartest; also, list them too: Is it autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.