Health jokes
I just found out I'm colorblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
What do you call a body without a nose?
Nobody knows.
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
I pregnoot.
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!