Health jokes
A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
Wanna hear a joke? You need some milk.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
kayla?
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?
Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.