Health jokes
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.
My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?
...Ollie the clown!
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.