Health jokes
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?
A. Rape babies.
Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.
My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
Memes
Bro how are my favorite rappers gonna make good music if they can’t pop PERKIES
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?
...Ollie the clown!
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.