Health jokes
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
Dam, my balls itch like hell.
Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!
Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.
What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?
...Ollie the clown!