Health jokes
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Dam, my balls itch like hell.
Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!