My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!
Health Jokes
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?
...Ollie the clown!
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
