Health jokes
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
The wheelchair.
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
because estava malito :)
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
I wish I was blind.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Why did the wheels not move on his wheelchair?
Because he had no legs.
I didn’t eat breakfast because I’m starving myself.
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
Roses are black, violets are black.
I’m colorblind.
Why did the orange stop?
Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
If only Karen Carpenter had eaten Mama Cass's sandwich...
How do you poop?
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.