Health jokes
I didn’t eat breakfast because I’m starving myself.
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
How do you poop?
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
because estava malito :)
Roses are black, violets are black.
I’m colorblind.
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
Dam, my balls itch like hell.
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.