Health jokes
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.
Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.
Memes
My friend has ligma...
Lick ma balls!
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?
...Ollie the clown!
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.