Health jokes
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
Why did the orange stop?
Because it ran out of juice. Hahhaha.
I wish I was blind.
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. Iβd like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didnβt get to meet them. πππ
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Memes
kayla?
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because sheβs stupid.
Dam, my balls itch like hell.
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
Why did not the toilet paper make it across the road to escape the corono virise?
Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.