Stand jokes
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?
Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?
It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?
Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
Stairs.
Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?