Health jokes

My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.

What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.

Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.

What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?

An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.

Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.

What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?

...Ollie the clown!

Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.

If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.

Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

I help suicidal people.

BTW verb not adjective.

Your Dad.

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

Why did not the toilet paper make it across the road to escape the corono virise?

Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?

It hasn't come out yet.

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

My dick itches.