Health jokes
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?
A: Because it gives her more work!
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.
Your Dad.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
Why did not the toilet paper make it across the road to escape the corono virise?
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...
"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Me and my cancer
Are like a game of Fortnite.
I’ll never win.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
My dick itches.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
Why did the pirate go to the gym?
To improve his booty strength!