Health jokes
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common? A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."