Health jokes
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
kayla?
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
I help suicidal people.
BTW verb not adjective.
Your Dad.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
Why did not the toilet paper make it across the road to escape the corono virise?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.