Health jokes
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?
A. They call an AmBOOlance.
I look diseased
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.
I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
Yo mama is so stupid that she studied for a COVID test.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road? Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.