Health jokes

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

What do dentists play at their practice?

Dental records.

Why can’t an orphan take medicine?

They need parental supervision.

What did Omnicron say to Delta?

"Same race, bud, different evolution."

"SIX FEET AWAY, OMNI! SIX FEET AWAY!"

Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?

A: A clothes hanger.

What is mad cow disease?

What’s the best part of stage four cancer?

A: There’s no stage five.

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"

My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.

My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!

Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?

Diabetes.

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)

Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.

I tried getting an abortion, but they said, "Sir, this is a pizzeria."

The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"

What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.

Why did the tomato blush?

Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.