Box Jokes

Wife

Anonymous

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) 1. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

5. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

6. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

7. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

8. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Eyebrow

Anonymous

A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”

Fat

JB

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

Fruit

Daniel King

How do you make a fruit punch? 🍎 You give it a pair of boxing gloves. 🥊

Minutes

oops

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

6

Restaurant

Anonymous

Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

0

Roses are red

Anonymous

Roses are red, violets are blue, i'd rather be single then be with someone like you.

Sally

Anonymous

Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms. Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms. Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her. Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms. Why did sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Face

Anonymous

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.

"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.

"Boxing?"

"No, ... hurdles."

1

Favourite

Anonymous

Q: what is a box favourite sport

A: box-ketball

Basement

Wolf

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.

Prince

a

Chat box hang out

Difference

Sassy

why doesn't barbie ever get pregnant ? Because Ken comes in a different box !!!

Astronaut

Daniel King

Where do astronauts 👩‍🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?

In their launch box.🚀📦😂

Letter

Anonymous

Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes

0

Hobo

Person

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Anti-jokes

Matt

Why did little sally fall of the swings? Because she had no arms What did sally get for Christmas? Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box

Roblox

Anonymous

I had 2 boxes 1 roblox 1 xbox

Depression

Anonymous

Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing

2