Health jokes
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling very well.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
What if your Corona test is neutral?
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
COVID-19. IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”