Health jokes

What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair! ♿

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

What sandwich spread makes people itch?

Flea-nut butter.

When is a cold not a cold?

Kid: I got homework.

Mom: Ok, so?

Kid: I got a F in my balls.

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.

Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.

Why do you like cream instead of bugs?

Because bugs can kill you.

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?

Slim Shady.

Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.

Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.