Health jokes

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?

Coronavirus and toilet paper.

The CCP have managed to achieve in making Covid last longer than the Great Wall of China.

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!

One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”

"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"

Parademic

Yo mama so tall, she eats paramedics.

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

Your bitch has Covid-19.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemon-aid.