Health jokes
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
Memes
A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
He pimples?
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Why don't some people have balls? Because they play soccer with them.
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair! ♿
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
When is a cold not a cold?
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.