Health jokes
Jada Smith: Grow some balls!
Me: Grow some hair!
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
What do you call a body without a nose?
Nobody knows.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
Memes
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
Rory Burrows is dyslexic.
Back bent.
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Have you met Bofa?
Bofa deez blind kids!
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.
Alles tut weh.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!