Health jokes
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
What was I saying again?
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What do squats eat? Numbers.
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
What's bad? A nut allergy.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.