Health jokes
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
Memes
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.