Health jokes
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
What was I saying again?
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.