Read this and you're gay.
Depression has been entered into your body.
Health Jokes
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
What do you call onions and beans?
Tear gas.
I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.
What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?
A vegetable rack.
A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"
Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."
The player says, "Oh, good for you!"
What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?
A Royale with cancer.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?
Battery acid.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
