Health jokes
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
Zion's so fat, when he walks, he breaks his mama's back.
My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
What do Africans eat for breakfast?
E-bola Cornflakes.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
What was I saying again?
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."