Health jokes
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What do squats eat? Numbers.
Memes
Shitpost-master general
What was I saying again?
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! đ„Œ
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs đ€!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
Whatâs the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute canât beat cancer.