Health jokes
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."
This joke never gets old. Just like the child.
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
Leukophobic people don’t have sex. Leukophobia is the fear of white.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
What's bad? A nut allergy.
What do squats eat? Numbers.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...