Health jokes

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?

"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"

Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?

Hospital or Currys PC World?

Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.

They took him to PC World for repairs.

Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

What do you call a crappy circumcision?

A rip-off.

Knock knock!!

Who's there??

Dishwasher!!

Dishwasher who??

Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.

What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.

What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?

Time to go to the doctor! 🥼

What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?

A baby you cut one off each time.

I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.

The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"

My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

Last night I had the strangest dream!

I sailed away to China!

And I caught the coronavirus!

You said you needed to wash your hands!

Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!

And you said!!

Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!

Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!

Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!

What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?

A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.