Health jokes
What do most disabled people eat?
Their arm.
Who is the blindest person in the world?
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
My dick itches.
What do you call people with ADHD?
A brainless speeder.
"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
This person has Down syndrome.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."