Health jokes

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.

What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?

(Insulin)

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweet-ment!

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

My mental health.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?

A: It sends chills up their spine.

What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!

Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.

If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.

What does a doctor do to make you better?

Helium.

Could it be ligma?

Ligma balls, daddy!

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.