Health jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

What does a doctor do to make you better?

Helium.

Could it be ligma?

Ligma balls, daddy!

Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.

Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?

A: It sends chills up their spine.

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!

If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

My diet:

Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...

What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?

Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.

I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.

What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

What do you call an STD?

Elenji.

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweet-ment!