Health jokes
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
You're so skinny the world turns to the left!
Yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.
How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What should people do with their floppy dicks?
I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
Which is the best sport at making fat people lose weight?
Canned hunting.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.