Health jokes
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
I have ligma.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What did buttholes say after taking a dump?
Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
The CCP have managed to achieve in making Covid last longer than the Great Wall of China.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.