Health jokes
I gave up hope and I liked it!!
I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Swallow cum, not gum.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."