Health jokes
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
What do you call a hung autist...
Dead.
Bros got barcode arms.
What's Technoblade's actual Zodiac Sign?
Cancer!
I gave up hope and I liked it!!
I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.