Health jokes
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What do you call a hung autist...
Dead.
Bros got barcode arms.
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.
What's Technoblade's actual Zodiac Sign?
Cancer!
I gave up hope and I liked it!!
I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
Someone walked into a cancer ward and asked for a skin fade.
What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?
A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Coca-Cola!
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"