Health jokes
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
Why don't some people have balls? Because they play soccer with them.
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?
If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.
He pimples?
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
My anus smells.
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.
The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.
Technoblade: It is high vitamin B.
Quackiity: What does vitamin B stand for?
Technoblade: Broke.