Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
Health Jokes
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."
"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
