Health jokes
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Midixadrupin, Midixarizin or Dixafix.
A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.
Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?
Because they like to floss.
Depression sucks, and so do you.