Health jokes

You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!

Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?

Because there is a family reunion.

"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."

"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.

He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!

Why did the gym close?

It's because it just never worked out.

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

Anong tawag sa cake na may ubo?

Edi cough cake! NYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAKAJAHA LT TLGA BOSIT

I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

The amputee: -_-

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

Who is the blindest person in the world?

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.