Health jokes

You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.

I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.

Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.

What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.

What is the difference between me and cancer?

My mom did beat cancer.

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!

What creature takes the most medicine?

Caterpillar.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

Back bent.

Errrrrrrrrr my spine doesn't work.

Eeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Yo mama's so fat, she even studied for the corona test.