Health jokes
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."
When life gives you melons, You’re probably dyslexic.
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.
When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)