I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
Health Jokes
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Why drink water and not bleach?
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
You're so skinny when you lift up weights, you fall through your asshole.
Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Your mama is so stupid, Patrick Starr ran away because he thought she might be contagious.
Your mama is so fat. She gets winded just thinking about running.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
What can you catch, but not throw?
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
