Health jokes
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.
When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
You're so fat, that you're fat.
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.
You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹
I did not believe in COVID-19 until I saw your teeth social distancing.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
What is big and long and hard?
A cucumber!
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
You fighting? More like you're dying!
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!