Health jokes
I'M SOOOO SAD. (I have depression btw)
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.
What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.
Why do people consume "Laxatives"?
Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
You're so skinny that you fall.
Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.
Friend: Touch.
Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)
Friend: Grass.
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass.