I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Health Jokes
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.
Why is Viagra just like Disneyland?
It's a 1 hour wait for a 5 minute ride.
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Midixadrupin, Midixarizin or Dixafix.
A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
