Health jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.
Why is Viagra just like Disneyland?
It's a 1 hour wait for a 5 minute ride.
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Midixadrupin, Midixarizin or Dixafix.