Health jokes
Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!
Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
You have a problem with jokes about dementia? That's funny, I don't remember asking.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.
How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.