Health jokes

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.

How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.

When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.

I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.

There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.

It's a canariel disease, untweetable.

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

How do sick Mexicans say hello?

"Ebola."

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

What meds do snakes with ADHD take?

Adder-all.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!