Health jokes
I never get off on the wrong foot.
Numb Butt Wheelchair Club: No Feeling, No Problem!
What did the mongol say to his dog?
Down syndrome!
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)