Health jokes
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.
It's a canariel disease, untweetable.
You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
What’s positive in Africa?
HIV/AIDS.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
I'M SOOOO SAD. (I have depression btw)
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.