Health jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?
It gives him gas.
What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?
Hair pull.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
My ass itches.
You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.
You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.
Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.
What do you call a Black person having a seizure?
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
Bros got barcode arms.
Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.
I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.