Health jokes

Why did the fish go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling “eel.”

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

Arden is so fat!

A note for My arts/health teacher:

oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.

What do you call a fat downie?

A couch potato.

What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?

A toolbox.

All zodiac signs have their hairstyles. Except cancer.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics.

I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh

What is Ronaldo's favorite fruit?

Oranges because they have vitamin C.

The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

"Ouch!"

"What's wrong?"

"I stepped on a screw."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"

What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.

None.

Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣