Health jokes
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What do you call the fighters with an extra chromosome?
Downy unstopables.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.