Health jokes
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Q: What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
What is Chuck Norris' favorite Sonic song?
"Open Your Heart."
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What do you call a white man that’s blind?
Asian eyes.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you!
I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.