Health jokes
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
Fat.
What time do Chinese people go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty (2:30).
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
You know, I got attacked by a man with cheese and a bit of milk.
How dairy!
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.
Yo mama is so poor, she makes her own hand sanitizer.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
Why was the tamale in the hospital? Because he was a "tamalito."
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.