What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
Health Jokes
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.
Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them!
What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."
Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
I hate wearing a mask in public.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
