Health jokes
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!
What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?
He got gangryeen.
Gangrene+green+angry
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"
Q) What is the ONLY zodiac sign ever to be surgically removed?
A) Cancer.
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.
Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them!
What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.