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Health jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.

Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!

Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?

Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.

Fat: Dang...

Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.

Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.

Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?

Oh, it's still cancer.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.

That’s why no one will be hurt.

Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.

Patient: What's the bad news?

Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What's the really bad news?

Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.

In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?

Coronavirus and toilet paper.

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

Why did the Nurse bring a red pen to work? To draw Blood.

Why did the M&M go to school? To be a smartie.

Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? To be in highschool.

If someone calls you, just say:

"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"

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