I slit my wrists.
What did the dentist say to the butt?
"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
Ahh, the coronavirus!
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
Time for you to stop looking at jokes on worstjokesever.com and go to bed!
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
What is the healthiest fruit?
An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
