Health jokes
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
You're so skinny you use floss to wipe your butt.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Have you met Bofa?
Bofa deez blind kids!
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.
What do you call someone with no legs?
Disabled.
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.