Health jokes
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.
Um.
Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
"Who am I? Why am I typing?"
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
A: Do you eat food?
B: Yes...
A: You can sit on deez nuts then!
B: Omg I have depression now.
My bum hurts.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"