Health jokes
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
What do Africans eat for breakfast?
E-bola Cornflakes.
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?