New Health Jokes - Page 52 - Worst Jokes Ever

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

What do you call someone with no legs?

Disabled.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?

Heartbeat.

Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.

AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!

Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?

A fizzician.

Your hairline is so repulsive that my entire family got eye cancer from seeing it, and it goes so far back that you be looking like Vegeta.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Why do orphans die so much?

'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.