Guy jokes
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.