Guy jokes
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
Three drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
"Bye bye guys, I'mma leave this shithole, but look at my post in the community tab."
[Link]
What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?
The Oreo Gang!
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.