Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can d..
🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵
Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
My guy: I have a Q-Tip
Me: You can q my tip
My guy: Ayo
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
what do you call a black guy on a moon?
YOU RACISTS An astronaut !
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he replies.
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?
But he really saved the History Channel.
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
