Gay Guy jokes
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
Q. How much cum does a gay guy have?
A. A butt load.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
What do you call it when a gay guy eats Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.