Go jokes
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?
Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.
Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.
Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!
Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*
Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.
Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Y'uree: Bruh... listen... gangbang... sex... the same.
Halyei: Hello Y'uree and Jarod. How are you guys today?
Y'uree: Well, sexy girls like you should be ass-fucked or fucked so hard that all you can do is talk or nothing at all?
Halyei: Thank you, I suck dicks too!
Jarod: Are you Breya???
Halyei: No... do I look like that flying bastard???
Jarod: Ugh... no... baby, you're free to go!
Halyei: Sorry, I miss cursing and having sex with her too! Sorry for being an idiot. I really miss her. Maybe you and I can give her a threesome??? No, I'm not gay! WHY!!!!!!! Can you come to the please fuck me! It's the fuckable girls contest and I want to win! Sorry!
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"