Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
Go Jokes
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
I like you, you like me.
Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rowling.
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
