“I had a great day today.” “Why?” “Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, ‘Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?’”

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children’s ward

“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say.

“Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say.

“Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.

So I’m banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

What’s the best part about banging twenty eight year olds? There are twenty of them

Chuck Norris one shot down a German fighter plane- by pointing his finger at it and yelling “bang!”

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets em. ( also I banged ya mum ;) )

What did Ron put in his diary? I Her-mio-ne after I banged her last night.

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.

What did niki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?

Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you.

Have you heard about the new cereal? It’s called “Prostituties”. They don’t snap, crackle or pop, but they sure do bang!

You know how we all have different side well I have a sucicidel side (here a bang in the next room) oh well not any more :)

So I was watching tv right? then i f…ing got banged in the eye with either a remore or metal tongs “wtf”

what did the pimp order at the chinese resturaunt?He ordered some cock-bang-ho

Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging- think the opening line goes something like “they see me rolling, they hating”

there was man, who had just moved from a foreign country. he just moved into his apartment, and was watching his favorite TV shows. the first one was “me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me,” the second one was “forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives,” and the last one was “BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!” There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him “sir, have you seen this man?” and held up a photo. the man said “me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me.” the cop said, “sir, what did you use.” and the man said “forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives.” after that, the cop said, “sir, im going to have to arrest you,” and the man said “BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!” the screen goes black, and all you can here “chk-chk. BANG”

Superman was bored and wanted to go out, he called all his super friends but they were all busy. He even calls Louis but it’s her time of the month. He flies to the liquor store and buy some beer and gets drunk. As has flying he sees wonder woman naked on top of the roof, he starts thinking 'I will fly down…and have sex with her sooooo fast “BURP” that she WON’T know what happen. "HICKUP" He flies to her faster than a speed of light BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG and flies away with a smile he passes out and crashed into a wall. Wonder woman jumps up and screams 'WHAT WAS THAT… the invisible man appears holding his butt and he gets off on wonder woman and says ‘I dont know but my butt hurts real bad’.

I was staying over at my friends, for the purpose of the joke he shall be called kian. It was 03.00 am and everyone else was asleep when i heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it, Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge it was thought he had a huge slong. The banging was getting louder and so to was my heartbeat, i opened John’s door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked, there was a glory hole threw the wall where i could make it kians ass. This is what i have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards john. I shoved 1 inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, “you little gimp get on the bed”. Kian came in the room with a 2 litre bottle of irn bru, he demanded “what the fudge are you doing”. I replied smoothly "Kian you tracksuit warrior you have a camel toe" Kian fires back “shut it paul you have genital warts”. John screams "SHUT THE FUCK UP." He then gives us it so rough i can’t walk the next day, but feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

diabetic wives are like cillit bang. squeeze them a bit and bang! the bed is gone

I would make a joke about your sister but she banged me.

Man: Could you hold this for me? Kid:Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang!GUNSHOT Man:Damnit now who am I gonna put in the van?!

Have you ever wondered how would your teachers look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25 years old english teacher. Id bang her if she were 20 years younger.

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