Go jokes

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

Why didn't the right angle go to college? Because he had 90 degrees.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.

Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?

To get his RHYMES in TUNE.

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

Hi, I am Emma. I'm going to Stan.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Why did Catholic women stop going to church?

Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

Why did Michael Joseph Jackson cross the road? To get away from the parents of the boys who stayed in his house, and to go to a store where boys' underwear was 1/2 off.

What's the difference between Michael Joseph Jackson and Mickey Mouse? Besides being a disease-carrying rodent, and one a dangerous pedophile, Mickey Mouse can still touch and go near kids.

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.